Alex's Answer

I think my mum doesn't care about me

Your Question

I feel like my mum doesn’t care about me at all. She tells me she does, but I don’t really believe it. I know this is typical “moody teenager who thinks she knows everything” but I genuinely don’t feel loved by her. She never listens to me when I try to tell her what I’m feeling, which is very rare. I never feel safe/confident enough to tell her how I feel about a certain situation or thing but when I do she never listens. When I cry, she immediately tells me to stop, which might not seem that bad but it feels like she’s pretending I’m not upset. Also, I remember one time she was shouting at me for not cleaning fast enough, and when I started crying she accused me of faking it. She does it to my brother too. She also brings up the fact that I never argue with my dad during arguments, which makes me feel bad for “preferring” my dad. She’s said countless hurtful things to me. For example, she called me ungrateful and entitled, and she said I’m not normal for not talking to the other girls at soccer training. I’ve tried to tell her that we aren’t allowed to talk during training, but she just says I’m making excuses to be antisocial. My mum has always criticised me for not having enough friends and not being social enough. I’m fairly introverted and always have been, but I have a good circle of 4 friends and that’s more than enough for me. I understand she’s just a social person herself, but she doesn’t try to understand me and the way I view things. Sorry this is very long but I needed to get it out. 

Answer

Hi there and welcome to Ask Alex.
 
Thank you so much for contacting us today. We appreciate you trusting us with your thoughts.
 
It sounds like you have multiple things going on for you right now. You feel that your relationship with your mum is one where you feel unloved and that she never listens when you try to tell her how you are feeling. You mentioned that your mum has said hurtful things to you and has always criticised you for not having enough friends.
 
The family dynamic can be difficult at times. Every family is different. From everything you have shared with us, it appears that you are aware of your feelings in your current family situation. That is a great starting point for you. You have mentioned that you feel bad for preferring your dad. Would you be able to talk to him about how things are with your mum? It is really helpful to talk to someone about your how you are feeling. You did a great job sharing with us.
 
You have the right to be listened to and to be respected, what is it like knowing that? You may get some insight into families by reading articles on our website www.childline.ie/home-and-families/.
 
If you would like to have a chat about how you’re feeling, you can always contact us here at Childline, by clicking on the Live Chat button on this website, or giving us a call on 1800 66 66 66. You can talk about anything you want to, and we are here to listen to whatever you would like to say.
 
Remember, your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be heard. Reach out for support from trusted adults, like a school counsellor or another family member, if you feel comfortable. Consider resources for building self-esteem and coping with criticism, such as self-help books or online articles. Practice healthy communication with your parents, such as writing a letter or initiating a calm conversation during a neutral time. You are not alone, and there are people and resources available to support you. You may find some helpful information here www.childline.ie/five-simple-ways-to-improve-your-mental-wellbeing/.
 
Take care of yourself, and know you have the right to be happy in your home,
 
Alex

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there’s nothing too big or small.