Alex's Answer

Hello, 

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Alex. It’s not always easy to ask for help but you have shown a lot of courage by sharing with us, so well done. 

You mentioned you have a lot of self-doubt. Self-doubt can be seen as a feeling of uncertainty about yourself or a need for validation or reassurance, and it is normal to experience this from time to time. Self-doubt can have many causes including painful memories, toxic relationships or wider mental health issues. Do any of these sound familiar to you? 

As self-doubt can often involve validation from other people; we would encourage you to practice self-compassion and avoid comparing yourself to others. You may not have the same qualities, relationships or possessions as someone else, and that is ok, because no one else has what you have either. Noone can do you like you, and another person’s win is not your loss. 

One of the best things about individuality is that there are endless opportunities to grow and learn from others. Avoid surrounding yourself with people who have tendencies to put you down or make you feel inferior. A true friend will help you feel good about yourself and support you when you are struggling. 

At the end of the day, we are our own worst critics. Just remember, a thought is just a thought, and you are not always what you think. It can help with self-doubt to reflect on what triggers the negative thoughts. If you experience self-doubt after a test, for example, ask yourself if you would put a friend or family member down for the same thing. If the answer is no, then you should practice showing yourself that same compassion. Negative thinking is a pattern that we learn and develop, by shifting our focus to positivity and compassion, we can flip the pattern. 

If you feel like the self-doubt you are experiencing is having a significant impact on your life and wellbeing, we would encourage you to consider talking to someone. You mentioned you are scared to talk, and that is ok. You have already shown a lot of courage by reaching out to us here. Are there any friends or family members that you can think of that you trust enough to start a conversation and see how you feel, having taken the first step and contacting us here?  

If you would feel more comfortable talking anonymously you are most welcome to call Childline at any time. Childline is open every day and you can talk with the 24-hour support line in confidence about anything that might be on your mind. Talking about what’s going on for you may help you understand where the feelings of self-doubt are coming from and help you feel understood, heard and validated. Our free-phone number is 1800 66 66 66 or if you would prefer to chat online with us, just click on the orange Live Chat tab at www.childline.ie . 

Thanks again for reaching out, we hope this helps. 

All the best,