Alex's Answer

I love my mom, even though she hurts me

Your Question

I love my mom so much, but she hurts me so much (mentally) and I think I hurt her a lot as well. I know that she’s trying and doesn’t know how to express love healthily, but I hate how she’s convinced everything she does is right, and how she thinks my feelings are invalid, she says that I have a roof over my head, so there’s no reason for me to be this way. We have a strained relationship and my whole life, I’ve never told her anything about me, or my struggles, except the heated arguments. She’s so constricting, but she gives me everything I could ask for and I’m so grateful but in the end, I just take advantage of it. I’m a horrible person, I just use up her patience and today, I skipped school and she found out and she’s angry. Theres no excuse for my actions and she said she gives up on me. It hurts so much, but i deserve it for being such a horrible daughter. I thought I became a better person, I thought I changed but I’m the same as I was 2 years ago. I want to apologize to her, but i know she’ll just say the same things out of anger, like, “I don’t care.” and, “Stop lying.” and then we’ll both argue again. It just keeps repeating like a cycle, and it hurts both of us because we’re too prideful and stubborn to just sit down and talk. Even if we do manage to talk, it turns into another argument. I havent had suicidal thoughts in a long time, but for the past week, ive just been thinking about it. i love my mom even if we dont have the best relationship. I’m so lost

Answer

Hi there, welcome to Ask Alex,
 
We hear you, when you say you love your mom and it’s clear that you’re going through a tough time. Relationships, especially with parents, can be incredibly challenging. You are showing that you love your mom, but going through the emotional strain is taking a toll on both of you. It’s okay to feel lost and overwhelmed.
 
Remember, you’re not alone in this. Many teens face difficulties in their relationships with their parents. It’s important to acknowledge and express your feelings, which you’re bravely doing here. It might be helpful to seek support from friends, a counsellor, or someone you trust. Talking about your struggles can provide a different perspective and emotional support.
 
Consider finding a calm moment to express your thoughts to your mom. It’s challenging, but expressing your feelings and experiences may help her understand your perspective. Seeking professional help, like family counselling, can provide a structured environment for both of you to communicate openly and work towards a healthier relationship. You may find this article from the Childline website helpful www.childline.ie/how-to-manage-family-relationships/and there are many more there too.
 
Remember, you’re not a horrible person. We all make mistakes and go through difficult times. There are people and resources available to support you. Reach out to those around you, and don’t hesitate to look for professional help if needed. You matter, and your well-being is important.
 

If you would like to talk about this some more, anonymously, you can chat to the Childline Team. We are open 24 hours a day, every day of the year. Or maybe you would like to chat about something else; and that’s fine too because Childline is here for you, any reason, anytime. Our phone number is 1800 66 66 66 or you can use Live Chat on our website www.childline.ie , just click on the Live Chat tab.

 

Take care of yourself and know you do not have to go through this tough time alone. We are here for you,

Alex

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