I love my mom, even though she hurts me
I love my mom so much, but she hurts me so much (mentally) and I think I hurt her a lot as well. I know that she’s trying and doesn’t know how to express love healthily, but I hate how she’s convinced everything she does is right, and how she thinks my feelings are invalid, she says that I have a roof over my head, so there’s no reason for me to be this way. We have a strained relationship and my whole life, I’ve never told her anything about me, or my struggles, except the heated arguments. She’s so constricting, but she gives me everything I could ask for and I’m so grateful but in the end, I just take advantage of it. I’m a horrible person, I just use up her patience and today, I skipped school and she found out and she’s angry. Theres no excuse for my actions and she said she gives up on me. It hurts so much, but i deserve it for being such a horrible daughter. I thought I became a better person, I thought I changed but I’m the same as I was 2 years ago. I want to apologize to her, but i know she’ll just say the same things out of anger, like, “I don’t care.” and, “Stop lying.” and then we’ll both argue again. It just keeps repeating like a cycle, and it hurts both of us because we’re too prideful and stubborn to just sit down and talk. Even if we do manage to talk, it turns into another argument. I havent had suicidal thoughts in a long time, but for the past week, ive just been thinking about it. i love my mom even if we dont have the best relationship. I’m so lost
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