I intentionally hurt myself
Why is it I wanna die but after I hurt myself intentionally it goes away but after I can’t feel the pain anymore the feeling of wanting to die gets stronger and stronger everytime I do this
Hi there, you are very welcome to Ask Alex.
Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand that it’s not always easy to share how we’re feeling, but we also know how important it is to talk about our worries.
You have said that you are experiencing feelings of wanting to die, but after hurting yourself intentionally, these feelings go away, but only for a little while. Firstly, we are concerned to hear you are that you are feeling like this and that you are hurting yourself. Intentionally hurting yourself is one way to express difficult emotions. Self-harming may be your way of releasing pent-up feelings of distress or anger. Because these feelings are just released in that moment of harm, this may be why the feelings of wanting to die return soon after.
Intentionally hurting yourself may be the only way you currently know how to cope, but there are other methods of coping. Remember, you have the right to be alive and you have the right to feel safe and happy. You also have the right to seek help and support about how you are feeling and the thoughts you are experiencing. It is important for your own mental wellbeing that you get this help and support. There are lots of support services available which you may find helpful. These include www.pieta.ie; www.jigsaw.ie; and www.yourmentalhealth.ie. There are also some articles on the Childline website that you may like to look at www.childline.ie/self-harm/, www.childline.ie/suicide/, www.childline.ie/how-i-feel/ and www.childline.ie/how-to-tell-someone-im-having-thoughts-of-suicide/.
Sharing our feelings with the people in our lives can be a difficult thing to do sometimes because we are never sure about how the other person will respond, what they will think or what they will say to us. However, carrying the weight of our problems alone and not sharing them with others can be more harmful to our wellbeing than letting them out and telling someone what we are thinking and feeling. What do you think it would be like to share with your parents how you have been feeling before they find out some other way? It is normal to worry about your parent’s reaction or judgement to what you’re going through, but it’s very likely that they’ll simply want to help.
If you feel like you are not ready to chat to them about it, is there another trusted adult that you feel you could confide in? This could be a teacher, friend or relative. If you are nervous about starting the conversation it might be helpful to write it down on paper or even practice the conversation in the mirror. Writing things down in itself is a little release and can help lighten the load.
Remember, you deserve to be listened to and to have your feelings heard. Your feelings are valid, and you are not alone. If you feel that you are not ready yet to talk to someone you know, you are very welcome to chat with the Childline Team by phone on 1800 66 66 66 or through Live Chat on www.childline.ie. Childline services are free and confidential, and are available 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Thank you for reaching out to us.