I found out my friends are excluding me
Hi Alex, I found out my friends are excluding me from meeting up with them and they have a group chat without me. In this group chat they say mean things about me. They’ve convinced me that I’m annoying and other bad stuff. What should I do?
Hi there, you are very welcome to Ask Alex.
Thank you for contacting us. We understand that it’s not always easy to share our worries and concerns, but we also know how important it is to talk about how we are feeling.
You have mentioned that your friends are excluding you, talking about you behind your back in a group chat, and have convinced you that you are annoying. This sounds like a hurtful and isolating experience, and we are sorry to hear this is going on for you at the moment. Friendships should be a positive experience and provide us with joy and a sense of belonging. Our friends should be supportive and make us feel good about ourselves, not say mean things about us behind our backs. No one has the right to make you feel like you are not good enough. You have the right to feel valued and loved.
A healthy friend group make each other feel valued, supported, and happy. However, a toxic friendship group is one where members belittle each other, shame others, or aren’t willing to be there for each other. If your friend group is insulting you, making you feel bad about yourself or making you feel unworthy then the group may be toxic. You may want to consider moving on from this friendship and to try to find healthier friendships with people who support you, build you up, and treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. You can read more about the differences between healthy and toxic friendships here: https://www.childline.ie/how-to-build-healthy-friendships-and-relationships/ and here: https://www.childline.ie/how-to-know-when-youre-in-a-toxic-friendship-group/
One way of approaching this is to talk to your friends about how you are feeling excluded and the way their comments are making you feel. Would you feel comfortable having a conversation with them around this? Sometimes it can be easier to talk to a friend one-to-one rather than trying to address them all at the same time – how would you feel about chatting to your closest friend in the group? If this seems difficult right now perhaps discussing it with a trusted adult might help. This could be a parent, caregiver, older sibling, or aunt/uncle.
If you are finding it hard to talk to those in your life whom you are close to, you are very welcome to chat with the Childline Team through our web chat on www.childline.ie, by text on 50101 or by phone on 1800 66 66 66 . Childline services are free and confidential, and are available 24 hours, 7 days a week.
You may find the following articles helpful too: https://www.childline.ie/how-to-know-when-to-break-up-with-a-friend/ and https://www.childline.ie/making-friends/ .
Thank you for reaching out to us.