Alex's Answer

Hi, and welcome to Ask Alex.  

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your deepest thoughts and difficulties with us. You have made a very positive step towards wellness by reaching out for support. 

You have mentioned feeling depressed when trying to lose weight. You feel like you will never lose weight, this affects your mood and all you feel like doing is crying. This must be very difficult, and we are sorry to hear of your struggles and that you are so upset. 

It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself when it comes your diet. Can I ask why you feel the need to lose weight? Has a doctor or dietician told you that you need to do so? It might be helpful for you examine why you feel the need to do something that is upsetting you so much and negatively affecting your mental health.  

So many people struggle with their appearance and the difference between how they wished they looked and what they actually look like so you are not alone in feeling this way. The words you use to describe how you are feeling around weight loss are quite harsh: “I feel like shit”, “I’ll never lose weight” and “I don’t know what to do all I want to do is cry”. Although it is perfectly okay to cry and vent about your struggles, and to allow yourself the time and space to acknowledge and release your frustrations, it is important to treat yourself with kindness too. There are many websites like www.bodywhys.ie, www.fooddudes.ie, www.childline.ie and www.spunout.ie that may have articles and tips around how to increase your self-esteem, how to improve your relationship with food and that can provide information around healthy weight loss if you feel that is what you need.     

When we set goals for ourselves and don’t reach them, it can have a negative impact on our mood, behaviour, self-esteem and even filter down into other aspects of our lives such as how we relate to others and our ability to function at school or work. Setting goals is a good idea if it is something that works for you, but it is incredibly important to set realistic, achievable goals for yourself. Keep in mind that small changes can make a big difference if we stick to it. When it comes to weight loss, results usually take some time before they start to show. Following a healthy eating plan, drinking plenty of water as well as getting moderate exercise regularly are great ways to achieve weight loss goals but these things do take time – give yourself at least a month to six weeks before you expect to see changes to your body.

Exercising can be anything from a taking a brisk walk, going for a run, skipping a rope, jumping on a trampoline, yoga, dancing – the list goes on! You may have tried different things before but if you had it in your head that it wasn’t going to make a difference and if it was tainted with the pressure of it having to “work”, it’s possible you didn’t get the opportunity to find something you actually enjoy doing and are willing to do regularly. So don’t give up on exercise completely and try go into it with a positive mindset.  

It is important and can be so helpful to talk with a trusted adult about the things that are worrying you. If you could speak to a parent, grandparent, teacher, neighbour – whoever you have a good relationship with – you may find that they went through similar difficulties when they were younger. This person could be a good source of support; you could turn to them when in need.   

If you are not yet ready to approach an adult in your life right now, then you could contact Childline through our web chat at www.childline.ie, by texting 50101 or by calling 1800 66 66 66. Childline is here for you anytime as we are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is a free and confidential service. We are non-judgemental, and we will not tell you what to do instead we can help you explore what options may be available to you.  

Keep in mind that our weight and how we look on the outside are not the things that make us good people. You are special and unique just the way you are, and you deserve to feel valued, happy and healthy. 

Be kind to yourself. 

Alex