Pat's Answer

Welcome to Ask Pat, 

Thank you for contacting us with your problems. We know that it can be difficult to discuss the issues we are having, but it is so important to be able to share and talk to somebody. You have made a positive first step in speaking about your issues. 

We are deeply sorry to hear that you feel like nobody listens to you. Pretending to be someone you are not and who is always happy seems like it is a lot of hard work, and it is not something you or anybody should ever have to do. Exams can be incredibly stressful, and we see you are worried because you do not know what you want to do workwise in the future. You are also struggling with attending school and having difficulty sleeping.  

It seems to us that you have a whole lot going on at the minute. We would like to take this opportunity to say we hear you; you are not alone. You have made a big and brave step in reaching out for help. You have the right to help and support for everything you have mentioned.  

You have said that you have tried to speak with people about how you are feeling but that no one listens to you. Who have you tried speaking with? Was it a trusted adult who is close to you? This can be a parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent. It can also be someone trustworthy who is outside of your family circle like a teacher or coach if it is too difficult to talk to family members about your worries. It can be important to consider the time we pick to talk so we recommend taking into consideration what is going on around the person you would like to speak with about your difficulties. Is the person able to give you their full attention at that time or would something else around them affect that and cause them not to be able to listen properly? Arranging a set time can help that trusted individual to give you all their attention. It can sometimes be hard for those closest to us to hear and understand our feelings and to hear we are worried about things, but it is important to speak about it and feel that you are being heard. 

In relation to what others think of you and your worry around being yourself, it is important that we have friendships and relationships where we can be ourselves and not be judged. Having friends that are kind and respectful is important. Perhaps you could have a conversation with them about who you really are and give them the opportunity to decide on it, rather than you guessing what they are going to think. If they are true friends, it should not matter what movies you like or games you play. 

Regarding school and stress around exams and future plans, is there a trusted adult in the school you could talk to about it such as a teacher or guidance counsellor? They may be able to help you put together a study plan so you can feel more prepared and less stressed out about exams. It is important to remember you do not have to have everything planned out right now for the future. Your plans may change many times as you learn more about what jobs are out there and where your interests lie. Expecting to have it all figured out at this stage is putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.

Each of the concerns you have highlighted are very important. Remember to take one step at a time and to be patient with, and kind to, yourself. 

You do not have to go through this alone. If you feel that you do not have someone you can talk to in your life yet, then Childline is here for you, and we would really love to listen to you. At Childline we are focused on you and what is important to you. The services are free and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The team do not judge anything you say and will listen to anything you want to share. You can contact us through our telephone service at 1800 66 66 66, through our text service on 50101, or via web chat that you can access through the website: www.childline.ie.  

We really hope that you find some of the above useful.  

Mind yourself. 

Pat