Alex's Answer
I feel I am a burden to my family
Your Question
Hi Alex!! I feel like I’m being a real burden to my family. I am mostly supported by my aunt financially. My parents do pay for my tuition though. But I feel like I am just a liability to everyone. I tried lots of time to think of a way to be independent already but I am not having the time to do so. When my aunt gets angry or was having a bad day, her usual line was that the only thing we ever gave was headache. Lately too, I noticed that I can’t really trust people completely so I am really not sure if I ever treated anyone as a friend. Whenever someone get’s to close to me, I become afraid. But in my mind, I am already asking to myself, until when will this last? It’s like I already knew that in the end, I will get thrown. Although I also knew it isn’t. But still, I kept on acting like it, no matter how I tried to convince myself.Â
Answer
Hi there and thanks so much for getting in contact with Ask Alex. Â
You have spoken about how you feel like you are a burden to your family, and how your aunt is the person who supports you financially. Also, you spoke about how you feel like you find it difficult to trust people. Â
To answer your first question, when it comes to family it is important that each family member is secure, valued and loved in their home. Sometimes there can be tension and that is normal from time to time, it is important to be aware of the difference between an argument and feeling like you are in danger. Talking to your family members about the way that you are feeling could help, and it might make your family members aware of what is going on for you. It is their role to help and support you however they can, and it sounds like they are supporting you financially. What do you think it would be like to chat with them about how you’re feeling? You could pick a time that’s good for you both, and somewhere that you’re comfortable. Â
It is important to also know that if you ever feel unsafe at home or anywhere else, you can call the Gardaà at 999 or 112. It is their job to make sure that all young people in Ireland are safe. Túsla, the Child and Family Agency, also have a duty to make sure young people under the age of 18 are living in a safe environment. You may like to have a read through their website, and see if there are any supports you would like to try www.tusla.ie/services/child-protection-welfare/ Â
Answering the second part of your question, having good friends can help us make feel happy and safe. Our friendships can be some of the most valuable relationships in our life. It can be good to have friends that you can hang out with, have a laugh with, share a hobby with and talk to if you are worried about something. Your problem with trusting friends sounds like it could be an automatic negative thought (ANTs). You don’t have to accept negative thoughts you can challenge them. Take the negative thought and contemplate it for a while, then reframe it with a kinder option. Envision a friendship that you worked on and cared for, what would that be like? Things like that take practice and the more you work on it the better it can be for you. You can find more helpful tips on friendship here: www.childline.ie/how-to-build-healthy-friendships-and-relationships/Â Â
Whenever you need a break or need to talk with someone else about what is going on for you, remember Childline is here for you. You can call at 1800 66 66 66 or use the live chat on our website www.childline.ie. Your chat or call is confidential, free and we will not judge you. We are here for you 24/7, day or night. You do not have to go through anything on your own.
We hope this helped! Â
Take care of yourself.Â
Alex