Alex's Answer

Hi there and welcome to Ask Alex, 

You have told us you feel horrible, that you’ve been wanting your cuts to be deeper when you self-harm, and that you’d like to use a very big knife. You also explained you got a new blade, but that it isn’t sharp. You asked us to please reply this time. 

We apologize if you feel we missed your question or if it didn’t get to us properly to be able to answer it. We hope we can be of help today. 

We are very sorry to read you feel so horrible, and we can’t help but wonder why you would want to self-harm. It seems you could be going through a very difficult patch, and whatever it is that hurts so bad, you are trying to numb it with those cuts. We understand, sometimes when we cannot find a way through, we try to cope in ways that might not be the best, but that numb the feelings for a bit. Some people use drugs for that same reason, some may use self-harm instead like you do. Actually, self-harm is lately being look at as a kind of addiction, as the rush it brings to the body is similar and it could lead to this wish you were telling us about going deeper or cutting more. Both drugs and self-harm could do more harm than good to yourself, short or long run, so we are glad you have taken a step forward to ask for help today. 

We know it is not easy to ask for help or disclose that you are feeling so bad that you are coping with self-harm. Talking about how we feel can be challenging, and it can get more difficult when what we have to share is deeply painful, and could make people react in a panic mode. It is very needed, though, communicating, so people can be there for you when you need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes we have no idea who to go to, we could fear a family member’s reaction, we could feel isolated or find it difficult to trust anyone. If that is your case, we would like to suggest starting by talking to someone who doesn’t know you, maybe calling a helpline or contacting an organisation that will understand what it means to struggle and to self-harm.  

Pieta House would be a great option, they have a helpline, but also 1:1 support to work on those low feelings and the need to numb them. This is the number for the free 24/7 Crisis helpline: 1800 247 247. You could also text HELP to 51444 and they would be in touch. 

Childline can be there for you too if you need a listening ear. They can be reached through 1800 66 66 66 or using their live chat in the website www.childline.ie . You can start a chat at anytime by clicking on the Orange Tab on the right-hand side of the screen. 

We hope this helps! Please, don’t hesitate to reach out again if you need it. 

Take care of yourself, 

Alex