Alex's Answer

Hi there and welcome to Ask Alex, 

You have told us you don’t want to talk to anyone about anything negative because, even if they won’t tell anyone, they would still know all that you have explained, and, at the same time, you feel you need to get rid of these feelings and so you are asking us what to do. 

Thanks for your question, we totally understand where you are coming from, and we will try to support you in this matter. 

Sharing our feelings when they are uncomfortable or negative is not as easy as when we have positive things to tell, that is for sure, and it could happen that not everyone would know how to listen to what we have to say, make us feel understood or how to support us. There are also our fears, such as the one you mentioned, “they will remember me by what I said”, and we don’t want to be remembered by our negative experiences. So how do we do this? 

We think it would be fair to start by who we can talk to first. Not everyone will do, and we need to make sure who we talk to is going to be supportive enough for us to feel safe and listened to. If we have a relationship based on trust with that person, our fears will eventually fade, as the person will be there for the good, the bad and the ugly, no matter what.  

Second, we believe it could take time to feel comfortable opening up, and we would recommend that you chose your own pace while doing so. Share what you feel comfortable sharing, and see how you feel, then a bit more, and check again. If you feel like the load is getting lighter, and you find comfort in telling the person in front of you, we can trust we are on the right path. If we don’t feel better, we can check why with ourselves: is it how the person is taking it? Is it our fears again? Is it that I am still digesting what happened?  

We have some articles on our website that you may find helpful for when you are ready: www.childline.ie/getting-help/ ; www.childline.ie/not-sure-how-to-ask-for-help-heres-what-to-do/.  

Sometimes it is better to talk with an adult, depending on the matter, someone in your life who you trust like a family member, a youth worker or a family friend. You could also link with Childline to start small, call anonymously if needed and talk about whatever you need, and get used to sharing. They will be delighted to support you. They can be reached by phone at 1800 66 66 66 or through the Live Chat in the website www.childline.ie, you can start a chat at any time by clicking on the Orange Tab on your screen.  

We hope this helps, and if you need to reach out again, we will be here for you! 

Take care of yourself, 

Alex