Pat's Answer

Hello, and welcome to Ask Pat.  

It sounds like you are having a tough time choosing who you would like to be friends with. We are sorry to hear this as we understand how difficult it can be to make this kind of decision, and we would like to thank you for sharing your problem with us.  

Deciding who you would like to become friends with can be tricky to figure out, and we understand that with disruptions to attending school and after school activities, making friends and maintaining friendships is made even more difficult. It sounds like your particular struggle is choosing between the nice, quiet girl or a popular group and it also sounds like having the right friendships is very important to you. Friendships are a valuable part of our lives, and it’s good that you are putting a lot of thought into who you want to spend time with as you want to make sure you have friends that you will feel comfortable and happy being around. Making a decision like this can feel incredibly difficult, especially if there are things that you really like and/or are not so sure about when it comes to each of these potential friends. Perhaps it might help to think about what it is that you find important and value when it comes to friendships and if you think they will meet your needs. Remember, building friendships can take time and it is important that you do so at a pace that is comfortable for you. 

Ask Pat understands that what you might like in a friendship is unique to you and that talking about it helps. Have you thought about sharing how you are feeling with a trusted adult in your life, perhaps a parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle or someone you feel comfortable talking to? You have the right to make friends and join clubs as long as it is safe for you to do so, and it does not take away anyone else’s rights. You also have the right to have fun and enjoy activities appropriate to your age.  

If you would prefer to speak with someone you don’t know, we would enjoy talking to you about what kind of friends you’d like to have in your life and what is important to you when it comes to friendship. How would you feel about giving us a call on 1800 66 66 66, or a text to 50101 or even having a webchat with us through childline.ie ? The services are free and confidential and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline does not trace numbers or track IP addresses, and we really value your feelings and thoughts.  

These articles on the Childline Website may be useful to you https://www.childline.ie/friends. This article might be of interest to you as well: https://spunout.ie/voices/opinion/friends-or-acquaintances  

Thank you for getting in touch and sharing your thoughts and feelings. Mind yourself and know that Childline is here for you. 

Take care,  

Pat