Alex's Answer

I came home late

Your Question

my dad got p***ed just because i came back home a little bit late. and he is shouting and saying s**t about how im not  done with my homework and how im always on my phone and its p***ing me off!!

Answer

Hi and Welcome to Ask Alex.  

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us today. It really helps when we have an outlet in which we can share our thoughts and feelings. By writing or speaking about them it makes it easier to see ways around it and just get it off our chest so we are not carrying it.  

You have mentioned that you are “p***ed off” because your dad is on at you about coming home late, and saying you’re not doing homework and you’re always on your phone” You have also told us that he is shouting when he is saying this to you. That sounds like it must be very frustrating and difficult to have to hear negative things being said like that about you. Can we ask, during this did you have an opportunity to explain or talk?  

It is important to have good communication with those who care and look after us, and that we have an opportunity to be heard and understood as well. We think it can be a very useful tool to take a little time out before getting into a heated conversation with another person. We know this is something that does not come easy to everyone.

Do you think that you could use a quite time to talk with your dad about this? Maybe together you could both work on having a better way of communicating. If you make a suggestion to have a chat when things are calm and relaxed and let him know how it upsets you that he brings up schoolwork and your phone when that is not the reason he is upset. It is not fair for him to throw up other things that have nothing to do with the original conversation. By doing this and listening to where he is also coming from it might be easier to make arrangements that suit both of you.  

Communication is the key to any relationship. We must feel as though we are being heard but also hearing what the other person has to say. Having an understanding as to where they are coming from too, makes it work in both directions. As parents at times, feel the only way they can get through to their child is by raising their voice when in fact this is the thing that is putting a wedge between both. While children, at times, can feel as though their parents’ only job is to ruin there lives with rules and regulations, which can but a strain on the relationship and push the child into rebelling, which makes the circle continuous. We can break patterns or change things if we ourselves are open to make some adjustments.  

Have you got another family member that could help support both you and your dad in having a conversation and seeing if you can try the stepping back before saying things that are hurtful or difficult to take back once they are said? The most important part of this is to come back when you both are calm and have the conversation then. Let each side be herd in a clam way; both parties are able to hear one another and come up with solutions together.  

If you feel you would like to talk this through a little more before having that conversation with your dad, you can always talk to our Childline team. We are non-judgemental, we will support,  guide and listen to you. We are not here to tell you what to do, but we will explore your options with you. It is a confidential support that runs 24-hours a day, all year. You can freephone us on 1800 66 66 66 or chat with us through our webchat service, by clicking on the purple Messenger circle at www.childline.ie. 

If you don’t try, you will never know, so why not have that conversation and see what comes out of it.  

Mind yourself, and know that we are here for you, always,

Alex

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