Alex's Answer

My mum screams and curses at me

Your Question

I went to the park close to my house (5-10 min walk) and met my friend to go to the café, my mam rang me and I answered and talked to her. Later on she text me to see if I had keys with me and I replied to her message. She then rang me again when I was at the side of a busy road about to walk home and I said I couldn’t hear her, so I asked her to text me if there was a problem. I then text her to make sure everything was ok. When I got back to the hous she started screaming and curding at me. She said she didn’t know where I was (even though I told her exactly where I was going to be) and she said she didn’t know who I was with (I told her the person I was with, it was my best friend since primary school, I am now going into 4th year). She still continued to curse and scream at me. 
That is not the first time that has happened, it hapened once before. She does not trust me and I am feeling unsafe when around her. I know I am a very trust worthy person and I can’t get her to understand that. She says she is just worried because she doesn’t trust other people (but I know that’s not the case)

Answer

Welcome to Ask Alex.
 
Thank you for being open and honest about what is happening in your life and taking that first step towards getting support. You mentioned an incident in which your mum screamed and cursed at you when you returned from being out with your friend. You say that she does not trust you and you are feeling unsafe around her.
 
This must be very difficult and frightening for you. You have the right to feel safe in your own home, and it concerns us to hear that you are feeling unsafe around your own mother. You clearly pointed out in your message the continued contact you had with your mother and the result of what happened when you returned. This is not how you should be treated. You state that your mother has said it’s other people she does not trust, but you feel this is not the case. Why? Do you have any other siblings? If so, would your mother do the same with them?
 
It does sound like your mum is dealing with her own anxieties and is pushing them onto you, which is extremely hard and unfair to you. Your mother will have to be open and ready to find support and tackle those thoughts herself. Some websites that may be helpful for her are: www.mentalhealth.ie and www.aware.ie. You could pass her on that information.
 
For you, it may be useful to have a conversation with your mum when she is relaxed and you feel it’s a safe time to do so. Discuss what you feel in relation to her reaction to you being out or away from her at any time. It would be a good idea to discuss this with another trusted adult in your life too, such as a grandparent, family friend, uncle, or aunt, so they can support you in having this conversation and possibly be present to ensure your safety. This can help to bring to light the effect and fear that these occasions when your mother screams and curses at you are having on you.
 
We would suggest that you are aware that if you ever feel in immediate danger, you can always call 112 or 999. Those are the freephone numbers for the emergency services. You could have a look at the Túsla/Changing Futures website where you may find information about your safety, www.changingfutures.ie or perhaps you would like to phone them at  0818 776 315 between 9 am and 5 pm Monday-Friday. You should never be in the position where you feel unsafe. It doesn’t matter if it happened once or twenty times; you have the right to always feel and be safe.
 
You can always contact Childline if you would like to talk through things a little more. Childline is a non-judgmental and confidential listening service. We can be contacted by phone at 1800 66 66 66 or through the Live Chat on www.childline.ie. You can start a chat at any time by clicking on the Orange Tab on the right-hand side of your screen.
 
We hope that some of the above is helpful to you, and you can reach out again whenever you need to.
 
Look after yourself,
Alex

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