For a while now I have been getting impulses of suicidal thoughts, like ocean waves lapping over and over.
For a while now I have been getting impulses of suicidal thoughts, like ocean waves lapping over and over. It’s not a constant, but a feeling that lasts for a couple of days to a week then fades to go back and become worse. I don’t want to kill myself, life has much to offer, but on the contrary, I’d have peace in death. I can’t let things go and I have a sense of hatred, towards others and myself, but morale usually pushes things away eventually. I just want to know what to do because I don’t want a therapist because it is extremely awkward. Also, how do I become less awkward socially? I know this isn’t as serious but I wonder.
Hi, welcome to Ask Alex.
Thank you so much for trusting us with your thoughts. It can be hard to talk about our emotions and it is normal to feel awkward talking about our challenges. Taking the first step when it comes to opening up about our problems is usually the hardest part.
As you have said, we often experience our feelings like waves, they come and go, and some can be stronger than others. There will be days when we feel good and other days when our emotions and thoughts can feel very negative and overwhelming. Just because you are having trouble understanding what you are experiencing does not mean that your feelings are not real. You have taken the first steps by reaching out to us today and that’s very brave of you.
We are concerned that you have suicidal thoughts, it’s very important that you discuss what you are experiencing with a trusted adult in your life, maybe an older sibling or cousin, an aunt/ uncle, teacher, or coach. Perhaps you’d like to write down how you feel and show the trusted adult, as this can sometimes be an easier way to get your feelings out.
It is important for your mental well-being that you get the help and support that you deserve. Have you thought about talking to your GP? You do have the right to medical advice and to seek support from a counsellor. There are organisations that can support you such as Jigsaw (www.jigsaw.ie). Their website may help you understand what is going on for you or you may find a way to avail of their support services. The Childline website has a section of helpful articles at https://www.childline.ie/helpful-articles/. This article on asking for help may be useful: https://www.childline.ie/not-sure-how-to-ask-for-help-heres-what -to-do/ as well as this one: https://www.childline.ie/whats-the-difference-between-social-anxiety-and-being-an-introvert/ If you feel like you are ever in immediate danger of harming yourself (or any other dangerous situation), you can ring the Emergency Services on 999 or 112 and they will keep you safe from harm. These calls are free from any mobile or landline.
Remember, you can always phone Childline on 1800 66 66 66 or our text service 50101 to talk about what is going on for you. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and also have a Web Chat service through www.childline.ie which is also available daily. While we do not tell you what to do, we are here to listen and support you, and to help you to explore the options that are available to you in your life. We are here to help you in a way that suits you.
We hope that you find this information helpful, and that you can get some support soon.
Take care of yourself,