Alex's Answer

Fighting with my mum has led me to self-harm

Your Question

im 14 and i have a really bad relationship with my mum. we literally fight every day and she doesnt seem to actually care about how it affects me. she always blames me and says that im a manipulative bitch that doesnt care about anything but myself. i know this isnt true but i have nobody to talk to about it. my dad doesnt live in the country and all my siblings or cousins are younger than me, i also dont want to put any of my friends or other family members under the pressure of having to know whats going on. its really affecting me and ive started self harming to take out my frustrations on something. i dont know what to do or how to handle it and i constatly think about moving out or leaving home. is it really just my fault? 


Hi there, 

Thanks for getting in touch with Ask Alex and for being so honest in sharing what is going on for you at the moment. It sounds like your relationship with your mum is really frustrating you and leading to you self-harming which is really worrying to hear. You also mention that you don’t know how to handle it and ask whether or not it’s your fault. 

Listening to what you are saying,  you fight with your mum every day. I imagine this is not a nice situation for you or your mum and it sounds like you really want this to change. If this has been going on for a while, it might be difficult to solve everything very quickly so it might be a good idea to take things one step at a time.  

Sometimes, we can have stuff going on for us that we are finding difficult to handle and we end up taking it out on the people closest to us, even though they are not to blame. So, the fact that you and mum are fighting all the time doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t care about you – there could be something else going on. Have you tried talking to you mum about what’s happening for her? 

You mention that your dad is not in the country and that you don’t want to share this with friends or other family members or put them under pressure, which is very thoughtful and considerate of you. If one of your friends was experiencing this with his or her mum, would you like them to be able to talk to you as a friend and have your support? It just might be the case that your friends will be glad that you gave them the opportunity to be there for you. 

It is very concerning to hear that you have started self-harming and you have the right to get help and support for what is going on for you. You do not ever have to be alone while you are going through such difficult times. It would be good to think about sharing this with a family member, friend or teacher – they won’t have all the answers but you might be surprised at how willing they are to help. Maybe reading this article could be helpful for you:

If you really feel that you have no one to talk to, please give us a call here in Childline on 1800 66 66 66 or contact us through online chat on (just click the orange Live Chat tab). We won’t judge you or tell you what to do – we will listen and give you the space to talk through what is going for you and help you explore your options. 

Thank you for getting in touch, you are very brave to share how you are feeling. Please remember that it is not your fault and that you deserve to get the help you need to work through this.  

 Take care of yourself, we would love to hear from you soon.


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