Alex's Answer

Can't find gender I understand

Your Question

Hi, I’m afab but hate being addressed as a girl / young woman. I’ve searched around but I can’t seem to find any genders I understand and completely align with. I’ve considered I might be trans but don’t want to look seriously masculine. Any suggestions or help ?


Hi there, welcome to Ask Alex!

First off, thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings. It’s perfectly ok to explore your identity and question how you feel about traditional gender labels. You’re not alone in this, and many people feel the same way.

It’s great that you’re thinking deeply about your gender identity. Gender can be fluid and doesn’t always fit neatly into “male” or “female” categories. Some people find comfort in non-binary identities, meaning they don’t identify strictly as male or female. Others may use terms like genderqueer, agender, or genderfluid to describe their experiences. These terms allow for a more personalised understanding of gender that doesn’t require you to look or feel a certain way.

Exploring these identities can be a journey. You might not find the perfect label right away, and that’s ok. What’s important is finding what feels right for you. For some, this might mean experimenting with different pronouns or names to see what feels most comfortable. You don’t have to rush this process; take your time and explore what resonates with you.

If you need support or someone to talk to, consider reaching out to organisations like or (Transgender Equality Network Ireland). They offer resources and communities that can provide guidance and support as you navigate your identity. Talking to others who have gone through similar experiences can be incredibly helpful.

There are many articles on the Childline website also, which you may find helpful, including this one

Remember, you can always reach out to Childline if you feel overwhelmed or just need someone to talk to. Our service is non-judgmental, confidential, and here to support you 24 hours a day, every day. You can call us for free at 1800 66 66 66, or contact us via Messenger at by clicking on the purple chat icon.

You are never alone in this. We’re here to support you and help you explore your options. Take care, and don’t hesitate to reach out whenever you need.


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